Bill Clinton: Epstein's Cause Of Death Depends On What Your Definition Of 'Suicide' Is

It's the Babylon Bee, much more truthful than the Washington Post, NY Times, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, CBS, ABC, NPR ...

PHILADELPHIA, PA—Speaking to a packed 30-seat arena, Bill Clinton remarked on Jeffrey Epstein's recent passing, saying that Epstein's cause of death "really depends on what your definition of 'suicide' is."

"Did Epstein commit suicide?" asked an attendee at the event.

A wide-eyed Clinton shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, it really depends on what your definition of suicide is, heh."

An awkward silence ensued. Bill turned to look at Hillary for support, but she just glared at him and ran her finger across her throat, a metaphor that means "death."

He went on, "Heh, I mean, well, we've got to define terms here, alright? If you mean, 'Did he hang himself without any outside assistance?' then I'd say that does not fall under the definition of what may or may not have occurred."

Epstein Suicide !!!!????

Death rates among white middle-aged Americans have soared 'due to the decline in factory jobs and laid off workers turning to drugs or alcohol or committing suicide'

Free trade is literally killing middle-age white men.

Increasing competition with China for trade has been blamed for soaring death rates among white, middle aged Americans.

A silent 'epidemic' of deaths from suicides, drug and alcohol poisoning within that faction was first highlighted last year.

But scientists were baffled as to why white, middle aged Americans were bucking the national trend of decreasing death rates. Now two economists believe they have found the answer.

Justin Pierce and Peter Schott believe they can trace back the uptick in suicides, drug overdoses, and alcohol-related deaths to 2000, when President Bill Clinton decided to relax the rules on major imports....

American factories, which couldn't compete with China's cheap labor force, shut down in droves, while thousands upon thousands of middle-aged white Americans, without college degrees, were laid off.

Unable to cope, many turned to drugs, alcohol or even took their own lives, according to the research....

The surge in deaths amidst white, middle aged Americans was so significant that Dr Anne Case and Dr Angus Deaton, of Princeton University, compared the 'silent' epidemic to the Aids epidemic in the US.

Case and Deaton were the first to highlight the worrying increase in mortality rates last year in separate research.

Between 1978 and 1998, the study reveals the mortality rate for US whites aged 45 to 54 fell by an average of two per cent each year. This was reflected in other rich countries, including France, Germany, the UK, Canada, Australia, and Sweden.

After 1998, these nations saw mortality rates for this group steadily continue to fall, by two per cent every year.

But, in the US, mortality rates rose by half a per cent a year.

The authors wrote: 'No other rich country saw a similar turnaround.'

They estimate that had the white mortality in the US rate held at its 1998 value, 96,000 lives would have been saved between 1998 and 2013.

And had it continued to fall as it had between 1978 and 1998, 488,500 deaths would have been avoided from 1999 to 2013.

This figure is comparable to the number of deaths caused by the Aids epidemic in the US.

While death rates related to drugs, alcohol and suicides have risen for middle-aged whites across the board, the largest surge are seen among those with the least education.

For those with a high school degree or less, deaths caused by drug and alcohol poisoning rose four fold, suicides increased by 81 per cent, and deaths caused by liver disease and cirrhosis jumped 50 per cent.

All-cause mortality rose by 22 per cent for this least-educated group.

Among those with some college education, researchers noted little change in overall death rates.

While among those people who achieved a bachelor's degree or higher, death rates fell.

A rise in suicide and drug overdoses in midlife, is a recognised trend across the world.

However, the authors note 'that these upward trends were persistent and large enough to drive up all-cause midlife mortality, has, to our knowledge been overlooked'.

Go kill yourself

It all starts with a discussion of what you see as your personal preference. Then some reasons why it should be a general preference. Then it’s published as a thumb sucker in a publication read by movers and shakers. Denial, of course, that it’s a policy prescription designed for the general public. And heaven forbid that it should become government policy. But for Zeke Emanuel, famed atheist, and architect of ObamaCare, Soylent Green is not a dystopian movie but a really neat Final Solution to the financial problems of government funded health care.  Death Panels will be known as SeniorCare brought to you by those lovable Liberals who are looking out for you.

Bud Norman has some further thoughts. (read the whole thing)

A recurring theme in the spate of dystopian futurist movies popular in our youth was that someday the government would start killing off all the old people. The notion provided a memorable scene in “Soylent Green” where Edward G. Robinson shuffled off to the local suicide center where the aged were treated to soothing music and images as they ceased to be a burden, and the entire plot of “Logan’s Run” was based on a society that maintained its perfectly organized order by offing anyone over the age of 30. In the late ’60s and early ’70s audiences found this plausible, with the younger and hipper movie-goers smugly assuming it was just the sort of thing that President Richard Nixon and his right-wing buddies would love to do, but it’s not been until the era of hope and change and the left-wing ascendancy that we’ve started to worry about it.

Our worries were heightened by the once-venerable Atlantic Monthly’s recent publication of an article by Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel in which he expresses his desire to die at age 75 and urges the rest of us to do the same. This morbid advice would ordinarily be easy to ignore, but Emanuel is the brother of former Obama White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, has served as a special advisor to the Obama White House’s Office of Management and Budget, and is currently a fellow at the Obama White House-affiliated Center for American Progress.

I am sick to death of hearing about Robin Williams.

Via Vander Leun:

I am sick to death of hearing about Robin Williams. Funny guy. Sad guy. Rich guy. Famous guy. Dead guy. Buh Bye.

While it doesn't take a literary genius to understand John Donne's Meditation 17 ("No man is an island..." ), I'm pretty sure that when Donne penned:

Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,

the poet was not watching some blonde bimbette and her beta boys in blue blazers blather without stop about the endless amusement to be found in somebody who got his big break breaking out of a giant egg and then went on to a brief and hilarious classic comedy career of cocaine abuse. (Known forever after as, "When Robin Williams was really funny.")

It's really, really tough being a movie star with a $30+ million estate, three wives and forced to make movie after movie.