Tucker Carlson and ....

Ep. 56 A Christmas Eve election surprise pic.twitter.com/Z7nofE1KT4

— Tucker Carlson (@TuckerCarlson) December 24, 2023

No compromise

Tensions Rise In Middle East As One Side Wants To Kill Jews And The Other Side Are Jews Who Don't Want To Die And Neither Will Compromise https://t.co/YSSwtjPYMi

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) May 12, 2023

7 Gun free tactics to defend your home

Why being a man is great

Fertilizer

 Emboldened by its success in outlawing gas stoves, the Biden Administration is looking to China's example and planning to outlaw indoor plumbing.  Scientific studies show that residents of homes with indoor plumbing die in far greater numbers than those with outhouses or poop in the street.  The Department of Health and Humans Services has decreed that all new homes must have honey buckets, providing a healthy, natural substitute for chemical fertilizers.

This....is....EPIC!
🤣🤣🤣 https://t.co/PdRQdguXJa

— Jason Robertson (@JRobFromMN) March 8, 2023

Great Moments in American History, Revised According to AP's Inclusive Style Guide

 What happened: The Associated Press issued new style recommendations that aim to promote diversity and inclusion by discouraging the use of "general and often dehumanizing 'the' labels such as the poor, the mentally ill, the French, the disabled, the college-educated."

Read the whole thing

Mark Steyn: Krill or Be Krilled

 Professor Lloyd Peck of the British Antarctic Survey is worried about – stop me if you've heard this one before – global warming. For this year's Royal Institution Christmas lecture, he'll be warning that the merest smidgeonette of an increase in temperature in the south polar seabed will lead to the loss of a zillion species. As the oceans warm, the ice shelves that extend from the polar depths into the sub-Antarctic light will shrink, and the thick mats of algae on their underside will vanish, and the billions of tiny krill that feed on them will perish, and pretty soon, up at the scenic end of the food chain, all those cute seals and penguins and whales will be gone.

And all this will happen if the temperature goes up two degrees, from butt-numbingly freezing to marginally less butt-numbingly freezing. "It is going to be really unpleasant," Prof Peck tells the Guardian. "We are going to lose things – we just don't know how much."

Each to his own. I like whales. I spend a lot of time on the north shore of the St Lawrence and around the Saguenay fjord in Quebec, and it would certainly be a duller place without the whales gaily plashing hither and yon. But what I find curious about this sort of thing is that Prof Peck is supposed to be a scientist and the newspaper reporting his views is famously rational. A month ago, for example, it was mocking the kind of folks who'd re-elected George W Bush – men of faith, not science, many of them from jurisdictions where the school boards are packed with creationists who look askance at Darwin, evolution and the like.

Evolution posits that species will come and go: some die out, some survive and evolve. I don't regard myself as anything terribly special but in a typical year I'm exposed to temperatures from around 98 degrees to 45 below freezing, in the lower part of which range I evolve into my long underwear.

Maybe if the Antarctic food chain is incapable of evolving to cope with a two-degree increase in temperature across many decades, it isn't meant to survive. Science tells us that extinction is a fact of life, and that nature is never still: long before the Industrial Revolution, long before the first lardbuttus Americanus got into his primitive four-miles-per-gallon SUV to head to the mall for the world's first cheeseburger, there were dramatic fluctuations in climate wiping out a ton of stuff. Yet scientists and their cheerleaders, the hyper-rationalists at the progressive newspapers, have signed on to the idea that evolution should cease and the world should be frozen – literally, in the case of Prof Peck and his beloved algae – in some unchanging Edenic state.

Well, good luck to him. If I see a chap with a "Save the algae" collecting box, I'm happy to chip in a fiver. But, at the same time as the Royal Institute and the Guardian and all other bien pensants are in a mass panic at the thought of the krill having to adjust his way of life, they're positively insouciant about massive changes to our own habitat. You like fox-hunting? You're not entirely cool with gay marriage? You prefer English common law to this new Euro-pudding legal code? Tough, shrugs the Guardian.

Stuff happens, things change, adapt or die. Perhaps he'll give us some hard numbers in his lecture but, insofar as I can tell, Prof Peck's doomsday scenario depends on a lot of "ifs". In the course of several decades, the temperature might indeed increase sufficiently, and that might reduce the algae, and that might diminish by several billion the number of krill, and that might impact the lifestyle of the Antarctic penguin by, oh, 2050, 2060.

But, on the other hand, somebody might have invented a thing the size of the Palm Pilot you staple to the seabed that automatically lowers the temperature by two degrees and we'll have wall-to-wall algae. Who can say?

What we do know for certain is that the krill's chances of survival are a lot greater than, say, those of the Italians, or the Germans, or the Japanese, Russians, Greeks and Spaniards, all of whom will be in steep population decline long before the Antarctic krill. By 2025, one in every three Japanese will be over 65, and that statistic depends on the two out of three who aren't over 65 sticking around to pay the tax bills required to support the biggest geriatric population in history.

Does the impending extinction of the Japanese and Russians not distress anyone? How about the Italians? They gave us the Sistine Chapel, the Mona Lisa, Gina Lollobrigida, linguine, tagliatelle, fusilli. If you're in your scuba suit down on the ice shelf dining with the krill and you say you'd like your algae al dente in a carbonara sauce, they'll give you a blank look. Billions of years on Earth and all they've got is the same set menu they started out with. But try and rouse the progressive mind to a "Save the Italians" campaign and you'll get nowhere. Luigi isn't as important as algae, even though he, too, is a victim of profound environmental changes: globally warmed by Euro-welfare, he no longer feels the need to breed.

And, if he doesn't care if he survives, why should the penguins and the krill feel any differently? Given the choice between the krill's hypothetically impending extinction and their own impending extinction already under way, Europeans would apparently rather fret about the denizens of the deep. Even Chesterton, who observed that once man has ceased to believe in God he'll believe in anything, might have marvelled at how swift the decay from post-Christian to post-evolutionary. Like the old song says: What's it all about – algae?

~from The Daily Telegraph, December 14th 2004

Galactic Empire Requests Amnesty For Anyone Who May Have Gotten Carried Away And Blown Up A Planet

 

CORUSCANT — Acknowledging past decisions that, while well intended, were destructive, and learning a ragtag team of rebels might win again, the Galactic Empire has proposed amnesty for anyone who may have gotten a little carried away and blown up several planets.

"This is supposed to be a happy galaxy. Let's not bicker and argue about who annihilated whose planet," wrote Grand Moff Ardus Kaine in a guest opinion piece published by The Atlantic after polls showed destroying Alderaan just to get a politician to squeal did not sit well with the galaxy's citizens. "Oopsies happen. Forgive and forget, I always say."

Kaine expounded on the need to forgive those who were forced to decide to erase entire systems from the galactic map while not having all of the information available at the time. He went on to advocate celebrating the moments in which only single reactors were used by Death Stars to vaporize millions of lives in mere ...

Biden Asks For COVID Amnesty, Afghanistan Pullout Amnesty, Gas Prices Amnesty, Inflation Amnesty, Student Loan Amnesty, War With Russia Amnesty, Nuclear Armageddon Amnesty, And Weaponizing The FBI Against Political Enemies Amnesty

 

"We need to forgive each other for what we said to each other during COVID," said President Biden. "We also need to let bygones be bygones when it comes to how I handled COVID, mandated vaccines, pulled out of Afghanistan, made gas prices soar, caused massive inflation, made taxpayers foot the bill for student loans, allowed a war to start with Russia, got us on track for nuclear armageddon, printed money like there's no tomorrow and sent it all to Ukraine, and weaponized the FBI against my political enemies."

"I need amnesty for all those things, folks. C'mon man, it's not hard! Let's live and let live here," continued Joe Biden. "I also need amnesty for cussing out Peter Doocey, selling strategic military reserve oil to China, working shady deals and setting my son up with Burisma, not spending enough time and not raising Hunter right, all the racist things I've said, all the women I've sexually assaulted, and all the hair I've sniffed, and elections I've rigged."

Cowboys Just Glad Crowd Is Booing Someone Else For Once

 

"Wait... they're not booing us?" said Dallas running back Ezekiel Elliott, his eyes welling up with tears. "We've never been not booed before! I think that must be the sweetest sound in the world — boos directed at someone other than us! It's... it's like music!"

Sources confirmed that the moment the First Lady walked on the field, she was met with a chorus of boos and chants of "Let's Go Brandon." The angry jeering continued for hours through the remainder of the game.

Top 10 Achievements Democrats Can Tout Going Into the Midterms

 

A few examples:

The standard of living is up 500% among Ukrainian politicians: Wow! Good for them!

Hilarious memes of Biden eating ice cream have increased 40%: Experts agree that laughter improves life span.

Thousands of Americans have been saved from the threat of seeing somebody pray in front of an abortion clinic: By arresting pro-lifers, the FBI is finally doing what they were designed to do.

More women of color are piloting the attack drones that bomb Syrian children: Progress.

Frightening New White House Halloween Decorations To Include Lifelike Old Zombie

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In preparation for Halloween, White House staffers have spent days adorning the premises with frightening decorations. One prop stands out above the rest: a spooky, lifelike old zombie that wanders the halls, drooling and moaning.

When asked how much work went into creating the animatronic zombie decoration with a realistic, putrid urine smell, staffers responded, "Huh?"

Critics suggest the White House may have gone too far with the gruesome zombie, citing reports of traumatized young girls on White House tours being chased through corridors as the old thing repeatedly asked for "just a little taste of delicious hair."

'Did God Really Say You Shouldn't Kill Your Baby?' Hisses Slithering Newsom To Frightened Pregnant Woman

 

SACRAMENTO, CA – In a nationwide campaign to promote abortion tourism in California, Gavin Newsom has purchased ads in red states encouraging women to travel to California to kill their babies. As part of the campaign, he has also taken to transforming into a giant green snake that whispers temptations into the ears of scared pregnant women.

"Hellllo Katie... did God really ssssssssay you sssssshhhhhouldn't kill your baby?" hissed Newsom to Katie Barnes, a pregnant 20-year-old from Indiana. "It would be ssssssssssooooo much easier to fly to California and... you know... take care of it."

Sources say the campaign is working well, as women are notorious for believing whatever a talking snake says.

FBI Storms Convent To Arrest Group Of Dangerous Pro-Life Extremists

 

The FBI strike team, wearing tactical gear and carrying automatic weapons, used flash-bang grenades and tear gas to breach the doors of the convent before shouting orders and violently wrestling the building's occupants to the ground. As the dust settled, it quickly became evident that this anti-abortion, conservative hate group was, in fact, the gathering of elderly catholic nuns who live at the convent.....

At publishing time, the FBI was rumored to be planning more raids against other treacherous organizations, including church youth camps and adoption agencies, vowing to continue defending the country from dangerous domestic extremism.

Gavin Newsom Now Running Ads In Florida And Other States Where People Can Still Turn On Their TVs

 

SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom made headlines in recent months for running campaign-style ads in Florida inviting migration to the Golden State. Amid energy shortages and blackouts, Newsom continued the onslaught this week with a new slate of ads targeting states where people are still able to turn on their TVs because their states have electricity.

"Your state's values are hateful and bigoted, but there's still time – leave your conservative hellhole and come to the great state of California today!" Frost is visible on Newsom's breath in his well-air-conditioned office during the ads, which have been running throughout sunbelt states including Texas and Florida. California residents have been sweating in their dark homes due to having turned off their TVs and A/C in compliance with the state's guidelines, so they have been unable to see the ads.

Stacey Abrams Announces That With A Heavy Heart She Will Succeed Elizabeth II As Queen

 

ATLANTA, GA — Rightful Governor of Georgia Stacey Abrams announced that she will succeed Elizabeth II as the Queen of England only moments after the announcement of the Queen's death.

"It is with a heavy heart that I accept my new responsibility as England's new Queen," said Abrams solemnly. "They say 'heavy is the head that wears the crown,' but my head was already heavy, so I'm used to it."

10 More Environmentally Friendly Alternatives To Using Electricity

 

Hey there, person! Are you still using electricity? We all know electricity makes the earth cry, which is why California recently banned it altogether. If you are one of the heartless few still using electricity to cool your home or charge your phone, here are 10 electricity alternatives. Try them all to become a better human being!

1. Buy an electric car so you can burn it for warmth: Those lithium batteries really light up!
2. Offer burnt sacrifices to an ancient pagan god so he'll give you mild weather: You won't have to turn on the AC ever again!
3. Just die: Problem solved! Just make sure your death with dignity is handled by a trusted healthcare professional.

FBI Says The Documents In Trump’s Possession Were So Classified They Were Printed With Invisible Ink On Invisible Paper

 

WASHINGTON, DC — Officials from the Department of Justice and the Federal Bureau of Investigation were forced to defend themselves today as news came out that many of the file folders confiscated in the raid of former President Donald Trump's residence at Mar-A-Lago were empty.

"There's an easy explanation for all of this," said FBI spokesperson Gaby Rosca in a prepared statement. "The fact of the matter is, many of the documents Mr. Trump had in his possession were so classified and contained such sensitive information that they had to be printed with invisible ink on invisible paper. This is a common practice at the higher levels of government so that there is no paper trail left behind."

Trump took to Truth Social to respond to the accusation of his hoarding invisible documents. "This is just further proof that the raid on Mar-A-Lago was a witch hunt. Sad!" Trump said in the post. "The FBI doesn't even have invisibility cloaks, much less invisible paper. That was the second question I asked when I got to the White House. First, aliens, and then invisibility cloaks. I did have lots of empty file folders, but only because that's how geniuses hide things, they use decoys. And the FBI fell for it, those losers!"