Here Are All The Headlines The Babylon Bee Would Have Written If We Were Around In Bible Times

 Just an excerpt:

OLD TESTAMENT 

 

Close-Minded God Only Creates Two Genders 

 

Crazy Young-Earth Creationist Adam Claims Earth Is Only 7 Days Old

 

Bigot Noah Only Allows Two Genders of Each Animal on Ark

 

Work On Tower Of Babel Near Completion, Grbizt Mcbkd Flimadpt Dipbdeth Swn

 

Friends Concerned for Job After Finding Him Sitting In A Cave Listening To Daniel Powter's 'Bad Day' On Repeat

 

LGBTQ Community Beat: Things Heating Up In Sodom And Gomorrah

 

New Reality Show Follows Wild Misadventures Of Jacob, 2 Wives, And 13 Boys

 

Joseph Canceled For Wearing LGBTQ Coat Despite Being A Cishet Male

Read the whole thing.

Powerful Verses In The Bible That Support Vaccination

 

The Message to Laodicea (Rev 3:14-22)

I have always been intrigued by the book of Revelation. And one of the most memorable sermons I ever heard was on the third chapter, especially the letter to the Church of Laodicea. They have a very modern day problem...

14 “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation.
15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!
16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
17 You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.
20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.
21 To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne.
22 Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

What's especially poignant about it is that it describes the Christian church in the US and Europe today.

All of the messages to the churches of Asia are extremely practical, but perhaps none fits the conditions in both Europe and in North America as does the message to Laodicea, the church that had become so lukewarm in its deceptive self-sufficiency. Regarding this condition, MacArthur has given us an accurate picture. He writes:

One of the remarkable sidelights in the staggering political changes in Eastern Europe is the fact of a vibrant Christianity that has emerged in the midst of the suffering, persecution, and atheism of these Communist dominated countries.

By contrast, in free Europe where there has been prosperity and democracy, the church is almost completely dead. The church has ceased to have any impact on the society. Atheism and humanism have taken over. Government and public policy is governed almost totally by philosophies that are antibiblical and even intolerant of the truth of Scripture.

If you look at the U.S., you find much the same thing. Government and the media, which affects the thinking of so much of America, are, for the most part, liberal and intolerant of Christianity. Leadership in both Europe and the U.S. are working for a one world government while the populace is preoccupied with their comfort and pleasure or the good life. The moral climate or condition of both free Europe and the U.S. is rotten to the core. According to a number of polls, if you compare the values, priorities, practices, and pursuits of professing Christians and non-Christians alike, you find very little difference on the whole.

It's gotten to the point that Methodist University Hires a Muslim Chaplain

We are the wealthiest nation in the world with more churches, more Bibles, Christian literature, and Christian schools than any other nation in the world, yet, we are losing the battle.

Read the whole thing.

I can't wait for corporate media to tell Christians which Bible passages they're allowed to quote

First they weaponized the FBI, now they're weaponizing God's word.

When Belief Fades ..

In about 600 BC the Kingdom of Judah was busy abandoning it's relationship with God. They adopted the religion of the Canaanites and tried to find safety in alliances with other tribes.  Jeremiah was told by God to warn Judah that they were going to lose the protection of God if they did not return to their roots in faith.  

America - this country - has been blessed beyond any other and during it's ascent it was a nation in which most people believed in God.  And those who were not good Christians pretended to be.  Today faith is ridiculed and Christians are reviled.   Now the people are abandoning the Lord God and worship other Gods.

God will turn away and give us to our enemies if we do not listen to the prophets.

1. The word of the Lord came to me:

2 “Go and proclaim in the hearing of Jerusalem:

“This is what the Lord says:  ‘I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and followed me through the wilderness, through a land not sown.'

3 Israel was holy to the Lord, the first fruits of his harvest; all who devoured her were held guilty, and disaster overtook them,’”declares the Lord.

4 Hear the word of the Lord, you descendants of Jacob, all you clans of Israel.

5 This is what the Lord says:  “What fault did your ancestors find in me, that they strayed so far from me? They followed worthless idols and became worthless themselves."

6 They did not ask, ‘Where is the Lord, who brought us up out of Egypt and led us through the barren wilderness, through a land of deserts and ravines, a land of drought and utter darkness, a land where no one travels and no one lives?’

7 I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit and rich produce. But you came and defiled my land and made my inheritance detestable.

8 The priests did not ask, "Where is the Lord?’ Those who deal with the law did not know me; the leaders rebelled against me.  The prophets prophesied by Baal, following worthless idols.

9 “Therefore I bring charges against you again,” declares the Lord. “And I will bring charges against your children’s children.

10 Cross over to the coasts of Cyprus and look, send to Kedar[a] and observe closely; see if there has ever been anything like this:

11 Has a nation ever changed its gods? (Yet they are not gods at all.) But my people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols.

12 Be appalled at this, you heavens, and shudder with great horror,” declares the Lord.

13 “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

America was settled by a religious people, a Christian people, who came to a wilderness to be free to worship Him.  That bowed down and thanked God for his bounty. 

What fault did the the latter-day Americans find in the God that blessed them?  Why did they depart from the path and bow down to Gods of their own creation?

The Kingdom of Judah was carried away in Babylonian captivity.  Where will America end up?

Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Matthew 28:

1 In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre. 

2 And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it. 

3 His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow: 

4 And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men. 

5 And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. 

6 He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. 

7 And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you. 

8 And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word. 

9 And as they went to tell his disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, All hail. And they came and held him by the feet, and worshipped him. 

10 Then said Jesus unto them, Be not afraid: go tell my brethren that they go into Galilee, and there shall they see me.

The Report of the Guard

11 Now when they were going, behold, some of the watch came into the city, and shewed unto the chief priests all the things that were done. 

12 And when they were assembled with the elders, and had taken counsel, they gave large money unto the soldiers, 

13 Saying, Say ye, His disciples came by night, and stole him away while we slept. 

14 And if this come to the governor's ears, we will persuade him, and secure you. 

15 So they took the money, and did as they were taught: and this saying is commonly reported among the Jews until this day.

Jesus Commissions the Eleven

16 Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them. 

17 And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some doubted. 

18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. 19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 

20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Atheists don't understand why Christ came.

A recent exchange on The Other McCain is worth repeating.

Buster > DeadMessenger • 2 days ago

"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals,then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."

Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

Yeah, real beautiful book you've got there, pal.

__________________________________________________________

The reply:

__________________________________________________________

DeadMessenger > Buster • a day ago

My name's not "pal", but you can call me ma'am.

Furthermore, every time you or one of your equally foolish ilk quotes any part of the Mosaic or Levitical law to make a point, you only expose your ignorance.

For openers, you are not able to understand what is written in the Bible, so stop trying to use it to support your false interpretation. You only embarrass yourself when you do. And since you love Scripture so much, this here explains why: http://biblehub.com/1_corinthi...

Now, because I'm nice, I'm going to explain this to you just once.

When Jesus was here the first time, He fulfilled the Law.

And, there are three elements to the Mosaic (and Levitical) Laws, from which you are quoting: ritual, moral and legal. The ritual laws have been set aside. True Christians are themselves temples and priests, so those laws are no longer needed. The legal aspect, and punishment, have been given over to the nations. What remains are the moral precepts. All of this is confirmed in the New Testament, which you guys never seem to quote, I notice.

So that sexual immorality is an abomination to the Lord, and is morally repugnant, but the only punishment for it that applies in this life, are those punishments dictated by your state or nation. Dietary restrictions fall under ritual law and no longer apply. Etc.

Incidentally, God gave the Mosaic Laws specifically because they could not be followed. I understand why He did that, but you literally cannot understand. Because you don't know God.

So, now, QED. You don't know what you're talking about, and you ought to therefore shut up about things you know nothing about.

Stewardship of Love

1 Corinthians 13 New International Version (NIV)

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

If God be for us, who can be against us?

Paul's letter to the Romans:

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.

34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

36 As it is written:  “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,

39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Fear nothing for God is there.

Bless them which persecute you

12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

² And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

³ For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

⁴ For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:

⁵ So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.

⁶ Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;

⁷ Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;

⁸ Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

⁹ Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

¹⁰ Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

¹¹ Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;

¹² Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

¹³ Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

¹⁴ Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

¹⁵ Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

¹⁶ Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

¹⁷ Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

¹⁸ If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

¹⁹ Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

²⁰ Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

²¹ Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

 

Human nature is hard to overcome. And even if we overcome it sometimes, for a brief moment, we are pulled back into our sinful ways quickly … until we are reminded to mend them. But intellectually we should know that we do not persuade people who are doing evil to do good by directing anger at them. We change them, we “overcome” them, with good.

Lord, that’s hard.

David and Bathsheba, a very modern story.

This is a story of great men behaving despicably.

 

It’s a fascinating story for several reasons, but one of them is that it's such a modern story.  It could be told of men and women today. It’s the story of a hero who achieves fame and power. He finds an attractive woman who just happens to be married to someone else and seduces her.

2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful,
3 and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?"
4 Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home.

The woman gets pregnant, this was before the government passed out free birth control.

5 The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant."

So we need a cover-up. The husband is away at war and gets called back home and is encouraged to go to his house and to sleep with his wife so that he can be fooled into thinking the baby is his. But he's committed to his king and to his buddies in the army so he refuses.

6 So David sent this word to Joab: "Send me Uriah the Hittite." And Joab sent him to David.
7 When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going.
8Then David said to Uriah, "Go down to your house and wash your feet." So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him.
9 But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master's servants and did not go down to his house.
10 When David was told, "Uriah did not go home," he asked him, "Haven't you just come from a distance? Why didn't you go home?"
11 Uriah said to David, "The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my master Joab and my lord's men are camped in the open fields. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and lie with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!"

Next, he’s invited to a party to get him drunk, but he still refuses to go home to be with his wife.

12 Then David said to him, "Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back." So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next.
13 At David's invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master's servants; he did not go home.

So the decision is finally made to kill the husband.

14 In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah.
15 In it he wrote, "Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die."
16 So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were.
17 When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David's army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.

After the husband is killed, there is a cover-up.

18 Joab sent David a full account of the battle.
19 He instructed the messenger: "When you have finished giving the king this account of the battle,
20 the king's anger may flare up, and he may ask you, 'Why did you get so close to the city to fight? Didn't you know they would shoot arrows from the wall?
21 Who killed Abimelech son of Jerub-Besheth ? Didn't a woman throw an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Thebez? Why did you get so close to the wall?' If he asks you this, then say to him, 'Also, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.' "
22 The messenger set out, and when he arrived he told David everything Joab had sent him to say.
23 The messenger said to David, "The men overpowered us and came out against us in the open, but we drove them back to the entrance to the city gate.
24 Then the archers shot arrows at your servants from the wall, and some of the king's men died. Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead."
25 David told the messenger, "Say this to Joab: 'Don't let this upset you; the sword devours one as well as another. Press the attack against the city and destroy it.' Say this to encourage Joab."
26 When Uriah's wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him.
27 After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the LORD.

Change a few names and places and this story could be taken from events that take place today. There is really nothing new under the sun, including the decision to look the other way when it suits those in power.