Babylon Bee: "Planned Parenthood Celebrates Women’s History With Buy-One-Get-One-Free Sale"

NEW YORK CITY, NY—March is Women’s History Month and today is International Women’s Day, so Planned Parenthood is celebrating by offering a sale on all abortion services. “History clearly shows that women can’t accomplish much without access to safe, legal abortion. So we thought there would be no better way to celebrate this great month and this great day than to help our clients have more abortions, more affordably,” Planned Parenthood Czar Claire Simmons announced at a press conference Tuesday.

Each abortion purchased throughout the month of March at any Planned Parenthood facility across the nation will come with a coupon (non-transferable) for an additional free abortion of equal or lesser value.

Planned Parenthood’s National Director of Marketing, Faye Townsend, explained, “We know from our own research that approximately half of all women getting an abortion have had a previous abortion, so we’re confident we can expand the number of repeat customers even more with this limited time offer.”

“These are difficult days for the abortion service industry,” Townsend added. “Everyone’s posting sonograms on social media and giving names to the products of conception before birth, and abortion ends up being the last choice. We want to make abortion sexy again.”

Planned Parenthood officials confirmed that clients will be able to combine the abortion coupon with the free condoms offered at every facility since the organization’s own research shows that 27% of women getting an abortion were using condoms.