Chicago Mayor Says Fourth Of July Weekend Was 'Mostly Peaceful' (Babylon Bee)

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot called this past Fourth of July weekend where 79 were shot in the city a "mostly peaceful" weekend at a press conference today.

"It was mostly peaceful, very calm, lots of people enjoying themselves, very fun," she said. "Yes, there were a few run-of-the-mill murders and shootings, but hey. We just call that a Saturday here."

"Other than the people getting shot on basically every block, it was largely calm and peaceful."

Lightfoot also pointed out that most people who committed murders were practicing social distancing and wearing masks. "Encouraging" surveillance footage showed that Chicago's murderers are using hand sanitizer and wiping their weapons down after each murder. "So, by that metric, I think it was definitely a success. We're making a lot of progress on that front."

She further stated that she suspects the murderers are actually paid Trump supporters trying to make her city look bad.