Real Life Ads From 'Lonely-Hearts' Bankers

From Here is the City News (devoted to news of the financial services industry):

Here's some real life lonely-hearts banker 'up close and personal' Ads:

'Grossly overweight Compliance professional, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble young lady, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion'.

'Corporate financier, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters'.


'Ginger-haired trade support clerk, 25, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bailout purposes, maybe more'.

'Desperate Frankfurt-based internal auditor, 37. Anyone under 25 considered'.

'Devil-worshipping HR professional, New York, seeks like-minded man for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon'.

'Bitter, disillusioned former fixed income trader, lately rejected by longtime fiancée seeks decent, honest, reliable woman. No kids'.

'Artistic financial markets executive secretary, 27, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential'.

'Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old operations clerk living in a damp flat in the a.se end of London, seeks attractive blonde lady with strong work ethic and own mop and dusters'.

'Attractive aging recruitment consultant, Canary Wharf, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!'.

'Commodities trader, 37, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks male alibi for the night of April 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm'.