It’s Time For America To Break Up With Liberals

Liberals, I think we Normal Americans need to see other people. In this national cohabitation, we’ve grown apart and maybe it’s time for you liberals to go your own way and find your Venezuelan bliss elsewhere.

Hey liberals, it’s not me. It’s you. Because you suck. So get out.

By the way, the umbrella term “liberals” includes useless Fredocon contingent. After all, these vinyl-clad gimps are attached to their liberal masters by a figurative leash.

Now, I’d prefer we work our problems out and find a solution that keeps us together as one country. But a solution would require liberals to embrace things like freedom, tolerance, and the Constitution, while rejecting their current obsessions, like socialism, cultural fascism and being idiots.

Pretty much what’s required is you liberals realizing that your whole ideology sucks, and stopping doing it. If you’re willing and able to cease being terrible, maybe with some counseling, and a lot of apologies and repentance on your part, we can make it work again. But otherwise, pack your Schiff and get the hell out of my country.

You can have New England. It’s cold and remote and you can’t do much to make it worse. But we get the Patriots. You’re just not worthy of them.

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Does a national break-up seem a bit extreme? A bit excessive? Can’t we all just get along? My pal Jesse Kelly has long been calling for a national divorce (and when I realized I was mining a related vein for comedy gold, I called him up and got his OK to use my break-up metaphor because I am not a mainstream media hack), but I used to be pretty confident Normals and libs could reconcile. Now I’m not so sure. After all, in a world of Covington Kid lynch mobs, nuke-curious congressjerks and Democrats siding with anti-Semites, female abusers, and blackface pols, it’s become painfully obvious that liberals hate us Normals and want us dead or enslaved. Call me picky, but I’m not really down with that.

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Let’s review. Liberals are super-mad about the original agreement that bound us together as a country because things like the Electoral College and the Bill of Rights prevent them from having absolute power over us. They now want to change our prenup. Hard pass, golddiggers.

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