BIDEN HAS TOUCHED US ALL

Barak Obama comes out for Biden

"Many leaders, um, you know, they, um, don't rub you the right way," Obama said. "But not Joe. Joe, see, he, um, touches everyone he comes into contact with, whether they want him to or not. He's breathing down Trump's neck in, um, in the race now, and I know he will overcome and grab a come-from-behind victory. I'm very fondle--excuse me--very fond of Joe, and with a stroke of luck, we'll be able to lick Trump in this election as we grope about for the White House."

Obama brought his patented brand of eloquent, hope-infused rhetoric to the speech, saying, "We can, um, smell a win this year."

"Joe's campaign is very touching, that's what I'm, um, here to say. So don't let a Trump victory sneak up on us -- embrace Joe Biden in 2020."