Barack Obama Raises the Dead

Tim Blair has fun with the kind of over-the-top hubris that only Barack Obama attempts.

A problem looms for Senator Barack Obama. Here’s an extract from his speech accepting the Democrat nomination to run for president:

“Generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal ...”

Now, when you claim that your mere nomination is enough to commence healing the planet and rolling back the seas, what is left to claim once you’ve actually won the election? Forget him being the first serious black candidate; Obama is clearly the first Magic-American to run for the White House.

Note, however, that he mentioned in the same speech his feelings of “profound humility” as he prepares for the contest. If he can rebuild the entire planet and adjust ocean levels when he’s in humble mode, its anyone’s guess what this superbeing might be capable of once he takes his foot off the humility pedal. Obama’s victory speech in November—if it happens—should be a blinder:

“Thank you, American mortals! Thank you! You have chosen wisely, and for that I shall permit you to live.”

(Crowd cheers with delight)

“Thousands of generations from now, we will be able to look back with gigantic compound eyes and tell our ambidextrous, flying children—in eight different languages—that this was the moment when we began to grow bulletproof exoskeletons and move inanimate objects using only the power of our minds; this was the moment when the Middle East began to unite in peace and the jokes of Peter FitzSimons began to be funny ...”

(Crowd screams: “The day of impossibilities made real! It is here!” Then President Obama’s thought rays command them to carry him to the White House)

Well, it’s as plausible a scenario as Obama sucking a few trillion gigalitres of water from the seas and kissing the planet better. ...

It’s only a matter of time before Barack Obama promises to raise the dead. It shouldn’t be much of a problem for him, after taking care of sea levels.

UPDATE: It appears that this has been going on in Chicago for years.