NEW YORK - Major stock indexes posted broad gains on heavy trading early Tuesday on news that a rogue group of student protesters from New York University had taken over the White House and barricaded themselves in the Oval Office. The Dow posted a 1100 point (17%) gain in the first hour of trading, wiping out nearly all of its loss since January 20 and almost 35% of losses since November 4.
"Finally, we're seeing encouraging signs of sanity in Washington," said UBS market analyst Jane Cohen.
The markets, which went into freefall whenever a member of the administration spoke in public, reacted in a frenzy of buying...
The ensuing chaos, with hundreds of thousands of government employee walking off the job, brought gridlock to Washington freeways and the federal government to a crashing halt. It also sparked a buying frenzy on Wall Street, as bulls rushed in to take advantage of what they saw as a new, totally baked government economic policy.
"In his long list of policy demands, acting President Lozano never mentioned the stimulus package, TARP, or auto industry bailouts," said USB's Cohen. "There has been widespread optimism that he will remain too stoned to remember it."