So, whatever, we're down in the ditch. Instead of thanking you for not totalling the car, the Republicans start up with their upperclassman bullshit. [applause]
You're like, "come on man, help push it out before the cops get here," and the Republicans are like, "I don't give a shit dude, it ain't my grandma's car." And then you remind them that they are the ones who are over 18 and will have to explain why they're in a car with minors and a trunk full of beer and weed and bashed mailboxes, and they're like, "Do we know you? Hey, we're just a couple of passing hitchhikers, man. We've never seen you guys before in our lives."
So instead of trying to argue further with these senior Republican assholes, __DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE__ and I roll up our sleeves, get down there in the muck, and start working to get the car up out of the ditch so we can get back before 7th period History. [applause]
Meanwhile __REPUBLICAN_CANDIDATE__ and his fat buddy are up there sucking on their Slurpees, laughing everytime I kill the motor because I've never driven a stick. Fuck you, Republicans. I hope you get a brain freeze from your goddamn Slurpees. [applause]
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