Fisking Newsome Lies

Last night Newsom conjured an alternate reality, proving no falsehood is too outlandish for him to utter on live television.

Here are his 10 most delusional statements from the debate and the truth about life in Newsom's California. pic.twitter.com/W3aaXXKhvx

— Kevin Kiley (@KevinKileyCA) December 1, 2023

'Did God Really Say You Shouldn't Kill Your Baby?' Hisses Slithering Newsom To Frightened Pregnant Woman

 

SACRAMENTO, CA – In a nationwide campaign to promote abortion tourism in California, Gavin Newsom has purchased ads in red states encouraging women to travel to California to kill their babies. As part of the campaign, he has also taken to transforming into a giant green snake that whispers temptations into the ears of scared pregnant women.

"Hellllo Katie... did God really ssssssssay you sssssshhhhhouldn't kill your baby?" hissed Newsom to Katie Barnes, a pregnant 20-year-old from Indiana. "It would be ssssssssssooooo much easier to fly to California and... you know... take care of it."

Sources say the campaign is working well, as women are notorious for believing whatever a talking snake says.

Gavin Newsom Now Running Ads In Florida And Other States Where People Can Still Turn On Their TVs

 

SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom made headlines in recent months for running campaign-style ads in Florida inviting migration to the Golden State. Amid energy shortages and blackouts, Newsom continued the onslaught this week with a new slate of ads targeting states where people are still able to turn on their TVs because their states have electricity.

"Your state's values are hateful and bigoted, but there's still time – leave your conservative hellhole and come to the great state of California today!" Frost is visible on Newsom's breath in his well-air-conditioned office during the ads, which have been running throughout sunbelt states including Texas and Florida. California residents have been sweating in their dark homes due to having turned off their TVs and A/C in compliance with the state's guidelines, so they have been unable to see the ads.

Masks Are for the Peasants

 

Gavin Newsom decided he did not need to wear a mask at a big football game in the middle of a city where you have to wrap your face in a cloth just to get some tacos. He got photographed maskless, then lied about it. And you are expected to take it. After all, this is no longer about science, if it ever was. This is about you peons knowing your place.

And even as these schmucks demand obedience, they quiver in terror at the thought of Joe Rogan saying unapproved stuff. I keep telling you – these people only have a Potemkin façade of strength. They are weak, and their quest to shut up everyone who refuses to kowtow to them is proof.

Scandal As Newsom Campaign Produces Old Yearbook Photo Showing Larry Elder In Blackface

 

SACRAMENTO, CA—Larry Elder's campaign for governor of California was thrown into turmoil today after Gavin Newsom's anti-recall campaign produced never-before-seen yearbook photos showing Larry Elder wearing blackface.

"This is beyond the pale," said French Chef Pierre D’issoir, who is running Newsom's campaign. "Not only is Larry Elder totally a white supremacist, but we now have proof that he wore blackface as a young man in college! Absolument honteux!"

Newsom will be spending $12 million in predominately black areas of Southern California to remind black voters that Elder is a fake black person—and that pasty white millionaire, winery owner, and French cuisine connoisseur Gavin Newsom is a better choice for the black community than Larry Elder.

"Sometimes we need to spend millions of dollars to remind minorities what's best for them," said Newsom. "Right now, what's best for them is being locked in their homes and given forced vaccinations. Larry Elder will try to come in and offer to lower their taxes, give them jobs, and heal their communities, but the thing that really matters here is that he wore blackface."

The scandal deepened later that afternoon when Larry Elder made an appearance, still wearing blackface.

"One Last Lockdown"