I wonder what the people who still wear masks are thinking

 

Masks Are for the Peasants

 

Gavin Newsom decided he did not need to wear a mask at a big football game in the middle of a city where you have to wrap your face in a cloth just to get some tacos. He got photographed maskless, then lied about it. And you are expected to take it. After all, this is no longer about science, if it ever was. This is about you peons knowing your place.

And even as these schmucks demand obedience, they quiver in terror at the thought of Joe Rogan saying unapproved stuff. I keep telling you – these people only have a Potemkin façade of strength. They are weak, and their quest to shut up everyone who refuses to kowtow to them is proof.

To Save Time, Biden To Ship 500 Million Free Masks Directly To Landfill

 

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House is releasing new details surrounding President Biden’s plan to send free facemasks to every American. In an effort to save time, the free masks will be shipped directly to landfills nationwide.

 

“The science tells us that wearing a high-quality mask over your nose and mouth probably might possibly help prevent COVID maybe,” said press secretary Jen Psaki. “Therefore, the President is committed to making sure every American has access to a medium-quality government mask manufactured by the lowest bidder.”

 

“That being said, we realize that anyone who wants to wear a mask probably owns several dozen already,” Psaki continued. “We also know that many others want your grandmother to die and thus refuse to wear masks at all. So, to save money, we’ll be shipping all masks directly to local landfills.” 

Joe Marsecci, chairman of the Masked Citizens Environmental Alliance, praised the Biden administration’s decision. “The decision to ship these masks directly to the landfill saves both time and money, as well as reducing carbon emissions from delivery and waste-hauling services,” Marsecci said. “The only thing more ecologically responsible would be dumping all the masks directly into the ocean.”

 

At press time, the White House was denying reports that Biden’s plan to purchase 500 million facemasks was in any way related to his son Hunter being named chairman of the board of a large Ukrainian facemask conglomerate. 

Do yo know where your mask comes from and how it's made?

Wear a mask.pic.twitter.com/vB8ackGna5

— Calvin (@calvinrobinson) November 23, 2021

8 Other Things You Can Do Rather Than Mask Mandates If You Hate Children

 

Lots of people hate children and want them to suffer. The popular way to do that now is to make kids wear masks all the time despite the minimal risk from COVID-19 to children. But here are some other things to try out if you really hate children.

• Replace the chocolate chips in cookies with raisins. Haha! Take that, kids! You’re expecting chocolate, but instead, you get the desiccated corpse of a grape.

• Clowns. Nothing scares kids more than clowns and their dead, white faces and blood-red mouths. You can pretend you’re trying to entertain the kids when really you’re just giving them years of therapy.

• Have one of the Paw Patrol dogs put down. Hard facts of life, kids; this is what happens to dogs in the real world. And they also don’t like it if you dress them in police outfits.

• Enforce strict commercial regulations on lemonade stands. Oh, you think there’s a kid exception to the law? Officer, I see some health code violations, and you'd better bring some kid-sized batons.

• Send them to public school. Don’t worry, kids; it will be great. You have the teachers' union making sure you get the least amount of education for the most amount of money. 

• Tell them that doomsday scenarios from climate change are now unstoppable. That’s just a scientific fact, kids; you have no future. Give up now.

• Trap them in your gingerbread house. If they didn’t want to be trapped in a cage and eventually cooked in an oven, they shouldn’t have nibbled on my house.

There, that should show those stupid kids. I’d love to see the misery on their little faces, but we shouldn’t be able to, because they should also be wearing masks.

Holy shit this is beyond a must watch. Fauci is the biggest spreader of Covid misinformation in America.

Holy shit this is beyond a must watch. Fauci is the biggest spreader of Covid misinformation in America. pic.twitter.com/hWPZw8xGIM

— Dave Rubin (@RubinReport) July 27, 2021

Nation Prepares To Celebrate 1st Anniversary Of Two Weeks To Flatten The Curve

 The Babylon Bee; the real news before it happens ...

U.S.—The nation is preparing to celebrate what is expected to become a beloved annual holiday: Two Weeks To Slow The Spread Day, to be held in March every year.

"This time of year we like to come together to remember the historic day one year ago when we put on masks and locked ourselves down, trusting that the lockdown would be over in just two weeks," said local man Paul Christof as he stared out his window longingly, his three masks securely in place. "This year, I'm going all out with a Zoom party with no more than five of my closest friends -- I mean, closest, figuratively speaking, of course. We'll be literally far apart, because I want to stay home and stay safe, and I don't want grandma to die."

Traditional festivities for the newly christened American holiday include remote Amazon gift exchanges, ordering DoorDash feasts for just yourself, and the customary binging of the Netflix. Historians believe the holiday will become a hit, and people will continue to wear masks and stay home throughout the year as the festive day is celebrated for hundreds of years to come.

Quadruply Masked

 

Let's just keep adding them until we get to 100%.

If you wear one mask, you are just a regular caring person indicating your non-granny killer status. If you wear TWO masks, you are Double Plus Super Awesome and get a special little Covid Virtue Badge to wear on your collar. If you wear three masks, two sets of surgical gloves and a hat that says "STAY HOME SAVE LIVES" you get a deluxe notebook with "I AM THE MOST CARING PERSON IN THE WORLD" embossed in gold on the front.

If you wear four masks, and wrap your children in plastic wrap with tin foil on their shoes, wear the STAY HOME SAVE LIVES hat and a t-shirt that says "JUST WEAR THE DAMNED MASK" then you get all of the other totally awesome Covid Psychosis Virtue Signalling Swag plus a set of Ginsu knives (bonus: made in China) and a free smartphone with an app that automatically scans all your contacts, gives you an ideological questionnaire about each and every single one of them, and sends it directly to Facebook, Google and Twitter and Xi Jinping! The best part is that you get frequent flier miles for every person you report, and upgrades to first class for life for turning in your parents, children, grandparents or other first-degree relatives to the Wokestapo.