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Friday, January 29, 2021

Quadruply Masked


Let's just keep adding them until we get to 100%.

If you wear one mask, you are just a regular caring person indicating your non-granny killer status. If you wear TWO masks, you are Double Plus Super Awesome and get a special little Covid Virtue Badge to wear on your collar. If you wear three masks, two sets of surgical gloves and a hat that says "STAY HOME SAVE LIVES" you get a deluxe notebook with "I AM THE MOST CARING PERSON IN THE WORLD" embossed in gold on the front.

If you wear four masks, and wrap your children in plastic wrap with tin foil on their shoes, wear the STAY HOME SAVE LIVES hat and a t-shirt that says "JUST WEAR THE DAMNED MASK" then you get all of the other totally awesome Covid Psychosis Virtue Signalling Swag plus a set of Ginsu knives (bonus: made in China) and a free smartphone with an app that automatically scans all your contacts, gives you an ideological questionnaire about each and every single one of them, and sends it directly to Facebook, Google and Twitter and Xi Jinping! The best part is that you get frequent flier miles for every person you report, and upgrades to first class for life for turning in your parents, children, grandparents or other first-degree relatives to the Wokestapo.

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