America is now confronting its endemic sexual harassment problem and finally holding powerful men accountable for their crimes against women in an unprecedented way. Big-name celebrities and media titans are being outed as the sex criminals they truly are, but infuriatingly, exposed serial abusers like Harvey Weinstein and Louis CK continue to issue public apologies that fail to convey sincere remorse and attempt to justify their heinous behavior. These weak, mealy-mouthed mea culpas cannot be tolerated, and as a male feminist and ally to women, I believe that I would totally crush it if I ever had to publicly apologize for sexual misconduct.Seriously. It would be an absolute slam dunk.First off, I would immediately admit to the charges leveled against me. Whatever I was accused of doing, whether it was lewd comments, groping, public masturbation, coercing female employees into sex for promotions, or something even worse, I would own up to it because, as a progressive, I do not want to contribute to a culture that discredits women for speaking up. I read enough feminist think-pieces to know that it’s important to believe women, and in my apology, there wouldn’t be any half-assed claims about misconstruing signals or consent, no fucking way. I would own that shit.Also, I wouldn’t wait until a Cosby-sized crowd of victims stepped forward .....
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