Increasingly Secular Nation Replaces Outdated Religious Ideas With End Times Prophecies, Moral Judgments

"Having been freed from the shackles of religion, we will now make wild predictions about when the world will end and inform you who is moral and who is not," atheist small group leader Beorn Mingles said at a Portland coffee shop Tuesday. "Finally, we have cast off the opiate of the masses and instead will just tell you what to believe and how to behave."

Babylon Bee