Mark Steyn: Here's a war protest that's hard to stomach

You look fabulous, dahlink. Writing on the "rolling fast" by some of Hollywood's finest (excerpt):

It's unclear whether any of these celebrities will be ''starving'' long enough even to feel hungry. Bobby Sands and the IRA hunger strikers of the 1980s were never going to force Mrs. Thatcher to back down, but at least they did actually starve themselves to death.

How about if the celebs did that? Wouldn't that, after all, get right to the heart of the matter? Wouldn't that bring piercing clarity to the issue by forcing the American people to choose between tedious geopolitical responsibilities and Jennifer Aniston? Imagine if the flailing neocon warmongers had to explain to the American people why we were now down to one Dixie Chick. Bush would be cowering in the Oval Office while his spinmeisters attempted futile damage control on one horror story after another:

*Superman tanked at the box office after audiences recoiled in horror when Brandon Routh's distended belly fell out of his saggy tights in mid-flight.

*Shooting was halted today on ''Basic Instinct 3'' when an emaciated Sharon Stone proved too weak to cross her legs.

*The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences warned that, with three out of five Best Actor nominees dead of starvation, they may be forced to give the Oscar to Steven Seagal.

*In a first for the music industry, two feuding gangsta rappers died this morning before they could shoot each other. 2Frail 2Fire was felled by a massive heart attack as he attempted to lift his LadySmith 60LS. Ol' Cadaverous Bastard expired from malnutrition a few seconds later while enjoying a derogatory gloat about the ever bonier butts of 2Frail 2Fire's hos and bitches.

*Meanwhile, Brad Pitt said filming would go ahead as planned on ''Ocean's Three.'' Er, ''Ocean's Two.''

The problem for the ''activists'' is that the entire anti-war movement is undernourished. Indeed, in all their contempt for America as an effete narcissistic ninny too soft and self-absorbed to stand any pain, even al-Qaida couldn't have come up with as withering a parody of the Great Satan's decadence as a celebrity pseudo-fast. As the great Shakespearean actor Edmund Kean said on his deathbed: ''Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.'' Not for Sean Penn and Susan Sarandon.