NEW YORK - Veteran anchorman Dan Rather implicated White House Political Director Karl Rove as "the mastermind behind the so-called Acme Group" after his rocket-powered roller skates exploded during a Wednesday CBS Evening News investigative report.
Rather had donned the controversial Acme skates -- along with an Acme brand Bat-Man suit -- in a complicated sting operation to reveal what he termed a "deep conspiracy between the White House and internet partisans to cover up George Bush's shameful military records."
The investigation went awry soon after Rather lit the skates, releasing what NYU Physics professor Alan Sokol estimated as "20,000 to 30,000 pounds of thrust." The heat of the initial explosion was so intense that it singed the hair off several nearby CBS reporters, including Rather's anchor heir-apparent John Roberts.
The blast sent Rather hurtling along 53rd Street toward the Hudson River at speeds estimated upwards of 200 miles per hour, scarcely slowing as the runaway skates drug the helpless journalist over, under and through stalled rush hour traffic.
Read the whole thing, (but don't be drinking anything or you'll mess up your computer):
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