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Thursday, October 16, 2014


Who To Blame When You Get Ebola: A CDC Guide For Healthcare Workers

From the Happy Hospitalist:

 Who to blame when you get Ebola.  A CDC guide for healthcare workers flowchart humor photo.

Atlanta, GA -- The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced new flowchart guidelines Monday to help healthcare workers understand who they could blame once they contract Ebola in the hospital setting. The new recommendations follow declarations by Dr Thomas Friedman, Director of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, that nurse Nina Pham in a Dallas, Texas hospital contracted Ebola due to 'protocol breach' while caring for the now deceased Ebola victim Thomas Eric Duncan.

Nurses are used to getting blamed for everything. In fact, most nursing programs teach nurses how to take one for the team when bad things happen. Getting blamed for spreading Ebola is naturally accepted by most nurses as business as usual.

"After speaking with representatives from the American Nurses Association, everyone agreed blaming nurses for spreading Ebola was just the easiest thing to do," said Jason Fenster, a CDC spokesman who blamed his nurse last year for undercooked eggs while hospitalized for an undisclosed infection contracted at a CDC laboratory.

Following the release of these CDC guidelines, officials at the Dallas, Texas hospital confirmed they are probably going to blame three or four nurses for spreading Ebola while taking care of Mr. Duncan, including one on maternity leave for the last six weeks.

"I've been in the hospital CEO business for 30 years. Whenever bad things happen in a hospital setting, we can count on at least one nurse to take the fall. In fact, I'm so confident that a nurse is always at fault, we built an entire section into our hospital rules and regulations titled 'How To Blame a Nurse For Anything Bad That Could Lead To A Lawsuit," said Jed Brainer, CEO of Texas Presbyterian Hospital.

A spokesman at the CDC, who wished to remain anonymous, says guidelines to be released next week for non-healthcare workers and pets who contract Ebola will likely blame nurses as well.

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