"Taliban 2.0"

Mark Steyn is right, the corporate press and America's Ruling Class are the enemies. 

 ~Surprise, surprise! After three weeks of trolling about "Taliban 2.0", the new regime in Afghanistan turns out to be, as I said last week, "an 'inclusive' government encompassing both mullahs with full beards and mullahs with three-quarter-length beards". Or as The New York Times puts it:

Taliban Appoint Stalwarts to Top Government Posts

Stalwart? Yes, the memo's gone out from Lamestream Media Central. My old chums at The Irish Times:

Taliban Name New Afghanistan Cabinet That Rewards Stalwarts

One man's stalwart is another man's mass murderer. For example, the new Interior Minister is Sirajuddin Haqqani, whose main experience of the Afghan interior is the last twenty years he's spent blowing various bits of it sky-high. Mr Haqqani is on the FBI's Most Wanted list with a $10 million bounty on his head. Just in case you feel the bloated, hollow, flailing non-superpower isn't enough of a global laughingstock, the G-men add this caution:

SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ARMED AND DANGEROUS

I'll say. He's armed with $85 billions' worth of American weaponry. On the other hand, that ten mil in reward money still seems to be up for grabs, so feel free to call 1-800-FED-WANKERS and tell the Bureau Mr Haqqani can be reached at the Ministry of the Interior, Service Road, Kabul. You'll probably have to leave a message, because all the crack agents are out in California faking up next week's white-supremacist kidnapping plot against Governor Newsom.

~The "negotiations" in Doha about a "broad-based government" based on broads were always a joke. As I wrote a decade back, during the Iran nuclear jaw-jaw in Geneva, once the west enters into negotiations, the overwhelming priority becomes ensuring negotiations keep going: the talking is the point. Grasping this simple essential, the Taliban used the Doha negotiations for a "coalition" government as a convenient cover to put in place their plans for a totally non-coalition government. As the BBC's Yalda Hakim wondered to an interviewee this morning, "Do you think the Taliban do not understand what 'inclusion" means?"

Oh, I think they understand very well. It is noticeable that the frontmen they had in Doha all turn out to be rather unimportant: thus, Mullah Baradar, who was granted at least one one-on-one conversation with Trump, has been rewarded with the relatively piffling job of one of multiple "deputy prime ministers". The house-trained mullahs were in Qatar to string along the State Department rubes; the blood-drenched "stalwarts" were waiting in the wings.

Taqqiya. Works every time.

Taliban Buys Hunter Biden Painting For Presidential Palace

 

Excerpt:

 

After a quick internet search of "paintings perfect for terrorists who want an in with the US president" the Taliban assistant in charge of buying things like paintings, influence, and good press, discovered the paintings by the famous painter Hunter Biden.  

“His art is not beautiful, just like shot-up buildings and holes in the earth from explosions are not beautiful. It’s perfect for us,” stated Taliban decorator Evanah Kaboomahalalah. "We were very surprised to find the artist behind the painting we fell in love with was the son of the US president Joe Biden. We thought he was just a degenerate loser, but actually, he has been quite good at bringing in lots of money and at painting.”

The Taliban offered to pay $1,000,000 for the painting and also requested that Mr. Hunter Biden deliver it himself as a gesture of goodwill between the two countries.  

At publishing time, Mr. Biden had agreed to give the Taliban the painting in exchange for safe passage back to the airport so he wouldn’t be stranded in Afghanistan like all the other Americans.  

AOC Goes To Afghanistan To Warn Refugees Not To Come To Oppressive Racist America

 

KABUL—According to sources, AOC was alarmed after seeing thousands of people desperately trying to escape Afghanistan and come to America. 

"Oh no! Like, what are they doing?" shrieked AOC at her TV screen. "Don't they know America is full of systemic oppression? I need to go save them right now!" 

AOC then picked up her top-secret squad phone. "Get the squad together," she said. "We have brown people to save." 

She then assembled the squad in their secret squad jet and flew behind enemy lines to warn the Afghans to stay out of America before it was too late. 

"Salam Alaikum my fellow austere religious BIPOCs!" she cried through a bullhorn. "Don't come to America! It is a trap! There are microaggressions and racisms everywhere, and white people appropriating your culture! Please stay here where you'll be safe and your human rights will be respected!"

She then ran over to the nearest aircraft and tried to slash the tires but failed, due to her being small and weak with no upper-body strength. 

The Taliban then threw her in prison for being outside without a man.

Meet Taliban 2.0, brought to you by Biden 78

Meet the new & improved Taliban 2.0 #Gutfeld pic.twitter.com/FP9j3CYk68

— Gutfeld! (@Gutfeldfox) August 20, 2021

Study Finds 92% Of Taliban Are Happy They Voted For Biden

 

KABUL—According to a survey conducted by local media in Taliban-controlled Kabul, 92% of Taliban fighters are very thankful they decided to vote for Biden in the 2020 election. 

"Of course I voted for Biden! Didn't everyone around here?" said Abdul Mohammed Mohammed Abdul Mohammed, a local infantry warrior who just finished storming the capital. "It was very easy. The American soldiers were just leaving garbage bags full of absentee ballots around, so we just filled them out and sent them back! Allah be praised!" 

There is wide agreement among the Taliban that Biden was the right man for the job—that job being to give up the country of Afghanistan and let the Taliban take it over without a fight. 

"Yes, we like Biden very much around here, and even his henchwoman, Kamil Harris," said another local militant. 

The Taliban reports being in very good spirits after taking over an entire country in one day, and are looking forward to voting in America's 2022 election.