Thursday, April 25, 2019
In Controversial Conclusion To 'Avengers' Saga, Captain Marvel Slays Thanos With Incredibly Irritating Gender Inequality Lecture
U.S.—Avengers: Endgame reviews are popping up all over the internet, and the conclusion to the epic Infinity Saga is dividing critics and fans alike.
According to reports, as the film nears its ending, Captain Marvel (Brie Larson) sneaks up on Thanos and begins lecturing him about gender equality.
Thanos attempts to withstand her assault, first trying to ignore her and then trying to "Thansplain" feminism to her. But Captain Marvel is relentless, and just keeps hammering him with talking point after talking point, until he finally simply drops dead of boredom and annoyance.
"First of all, how dare you," Marvel says as she walks up to Thanos and begins snapping her fingers in a Z formation. "Did you know that the average woman earns 78% less than the average man? What do you have to say for yourself, you misogynist, white supremacist little pig?"
The Mad Titan then tries to point out that he's actually purple, but Captain Marvel turns to the camera and begins lecturing the audience on how "whiteness" can be displayed by non-woke minorities just as much as white people.
Working with the surviving Avengers, Captain Marvel is then able to bring all the killed heroes back to life, but all of them immediately ask to be turned to dust again after she starts ranting about how oppressed women in modern-day America are.
In a post-credits scene, moviegoers are encouraged to come forward and accept social justice as their lord and savior.