Vaccinated!

This lib repellent comes in a variety of colors and sizes. Link in bio. pic.twitter.com/QE4rAfABjk

— Seth Dillon (@SethDillon) May 29, 2021

Leftists Demand That All Criticisms Of Trump Cease Until He Stops Getting Death Threats

From the Babylon Bee. America's Paper of Record ...

U.S.—The left has urged people to stop quoting stupid things Representative Ilhan Omar has said and to stop accurately pointing out that she’s a bigot because Omar has received death threats. It was revealed, though, that President Donald Trump has also received death threats.

“Yes, it’s hard to believe, since I’m the greatest president ever,” Trump told the press. “My death would be the worst tragedy this country has ever seen -- I’d expect mass suicides if it happens.” Still, he confirmed that the Secret Service has intercepted numerous death threats.

Proof positive that Trump is just like Hitler

Someone alert the NY Slimes and the Washington Compost.

HEY, WHERE IS EVERYBODY?: Republicans Pass Tax Reform, Everyone DEAD

Ben Shapiro

Wednesday dawned to the horrifying cacophony of howling dogs mourning their dead masters — men, women and children killed in a mass slaughter by the Senate’s passage of a rather ordinary tax bill from the Republicans. Yes, the Republicans had been warned that their plan would cause a symphony of darkness to play across the land. They’d been warned that the streets would be strewn with bodies. Worse, they’d been warned that those dead people would then move to Chicago and vote Democratic.

But even Republicans, who are also dead, were shocked to find themselves inhabiting the bowels of Hell — in particular, inhabiting a special place therein reserved for women who did not vote for Hillary Clinton and voters who did not stand with Roy Moore.

And all of this thanks to President Trump, who had pitched the tax cut by stating that he merely wanted what was best in life: to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

It is somewhat awkward writing this piece from the afterlife. It’s even more awkward writing this for a news site that exists on the internet — you remember, the internet, that thing that used to exist before Republicans repealed net neutrality, resulting in the annihilation of entire populations and the end of the internet itself.

And it’s supremely awkward to write it from underwater, given that President Trump’s decision to withdraw from the Paris Accords doomed huge cities to the realm of Aquaman.

What makes things even crazier is that everything is on fire despite being underwater, since Trump’s decision to move the American embassy to Jerusalem angered the Arab street so much.

By my count, I’ve died several dozen times since President Trump’s election, according to the warnings issued by media and Democrats. Yet I’ve never been able to rest in peace, because dead Republicans just keep on passing legislation that affects dead Americans and dead Democrats and dead media members keep resisting dead Donald Trump.

It turns out that the afterlife looks exactly like regular life.

Except, of course, that Justin Bieber hasn’t released any new songs in the Great Beyond. So that’s nice.

The Left has absolutely no sense of humor.

The Left has absolutely no sense of humor.  Here is how the NY Times reported Trump’s wisecrack about Hillary’s deleted emails:

“Donald J. Trump said on Wednesday that he hoped Russian intelligence services had successfully hacked Hillary Clinton’s email, and encouraged them to publish whatever they may have stolen, essentially urging a foreign adversary to conduct cyberespionage against a former secretary of state.

“Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing,” Mr. Trump said during a news conference here in an apparent reference to Mrs. Clinton’s deleted emails. “I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press.”

Mr. Trump’s call was another bizarre moment in the mystery of whether Vladimir V. Putin’s government has been seeking to influence the United States’ presidential race.

They took his joke at Hillary’s expense as an honest-to-God call for Putin to hack Hillary’s server via a public speech.  This is moronic.  This is Forrest Gump stupid.

The entire rest of the MSM took the same approach: NPR, Politico, NBC, WSJ, WaPo, LA Times, Time, NBC, ABC, Fortune .... the list is endless and you can check for yourself.  Google Donald Trump calls for Putin to locate Hillary's emails

We all know that Trump had already asked Putin to steal Hillary’s emails by secretly sending George Bush to the Kremlin in a SR-71 so he could be back in time for dinner and grope a CNN cutie.  

Heh!

Lose weight the Venezuela way.

So, just how did the Russkies swing the election

Here's one theory:

Now, I bet the discussions in the Michigan union halls and the Pennsylvania VFWs went something like this: “You know Mitch, with the economy so good and America so respected in the world, I was totally going to support Hillary continuing Obama’s work, but then I found out that Donna Brazile was feeding her CNN’s debate questions. Also, until Comey reminded me, I had totally forgotten Hillary was under FBI investigation for doing what would have gotten me sent to Leavenworth if I had done it when I was in the Navy. So, despite loving all the Democrat policies that have made my life a paradise, especially the idea of a law allowing grown men in dresses to loiter in my tween daughter’s restroom, I’m voting for Trump. Oh, also I’m a deplorable racist and hate science. Also, sexism.”

Sure, I think the Russians’ truthful revelations of true stuff that showed the true depth of Democratic corruption in a true way hurt Hillary. I just think that the left is deluding itself when it tells normal people that they were somehow suckered by the Russians’ truthful revelations of true stuff that showed the true depth of Democratic corruption. “You flyover rubes are so stupid that you can be manipulated by the facts that we were too incompetent to effectively hide from you!” is probably not a great way to win hearts and minds, but hey progs, feel free to go with it.

RUSSIAN INTERVENTION EXPOSED

Did the Russians really rig the 2016 US election? You bet they did!

Secret documents recently discovered in a bin behind a Kremlin-district 24-hour cabbage and tobacco store reveal for the first time the devious extent of Russian interference. These plans were decades in the making.

Read on, as never-before-seen communiques between Russian agents Sergei Potrov and Dimitri Bienko outline the wicked plot – beginning in 1947, on the day of Hillary Clinton’s birth:

Dearest Dimitri

I am pleased to report that phase one of Operation Cankles is total success! Soviet implantation of stupid American woman resulted in birth today of hefty girl-child destined to be unelectable candidate 70 years from now.

Child is basically just ankles and head, similar to sturdy and hard-working female stock from adored Ilmensky Mountains. In decadent America, nobody will ever vote for such a noble being.

Yours in Soviet solidarity,

Sergei

Back in Moscow, Bienko receives the news from his undercover US-based operative with communist glee:

Dearest Sergei,

You have done very well, comrade! Especially with the implantation. I trust the child has your eyebrow.

We have already begun looking at similar strategies in other western nations. When you are next on leave, ask me to show you plans for Operation Julia. Australia is next to face unforgiving Soviet wrath!

Yours,

Dimitri

As the years go by, our pair of dedicated spies continue to monitor Hillary’s progress and other events:

Dearest Dimitri,

Greetings again from Americas. Heh heh heh! Apologies for chuckles, but am watching hilarious documentary called Honeymooners. Is about domestic violence. Very good.

Am needing laugh because hips in pain from imitating the Elvis Presley. Will send you LP of the Presley once Russia has record players.

Hillary now at school and shunned by corrupt classmates in thrall of military-industrial capitalism. All proceeding exactly according to strategic project timeline.

Yours in everlasting revolution,

Sergei

Called away from Operation Cankles for a brief and triumphant mission to Dallas in 1963, Potrov soon returns to his main quest:

Read the whole thing.

Massive Recall Issued for Ineffective “COEXIST” Bumper Stickers

WASHINGTON — The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration will recall over 550,000 units of the popular “COEXIST” bumper sticker due to an ineffective and unsustainable message of world peace, U.S. safety regulators said on Tuesday.

“After an estimated 300 billion incidents of human suffering and death due to war, religious intolerance, racism, genocide, and homophobia, from the years of 50,000 B.C.E. through 2016, this sticker needs to be pulled from retail shelves and all automobiles immediately,” the NHTSA said in a statement online.

“NHTSA likes the sticker,” the statement continued. “We believe it looks really cool in a tie-dye color scheme. In the current geopolitical climate, however, our in-house engineers predict this trend in which everybody dies will not slow down in the foreseeable future.”

The graphic, spelling “Coexist” through religious and political symbols, has garnered thousands of complaints from consumers for inefficacy, despite regular appearance on the rear bumpers of cars owned by progressive Americans.

“I had a feeling something wasn’t working back there. I heard some rattling on NPR about crises in Europe, the Middle East, Africa… even America,” said Subaru Outback owner Wayne Darvy of Burlington, Vt. “How can sticker companies just sit back and profit from a clearly unattainable mantra? I feel duped.

Even Kid Rock Gets It

The Liberal version of American history

The history of America from the Liberal perspective.

America was founded to destroy “native Americans” and to find a place to invent slavery which never existed before.

These slaves built the country, settled the land, fought its wars and invented everything while white male devils whipped the slaves, oppressed women, keeping them barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, lying around idly when not destroying the environment.

Christians are hateful bigots who want to ruin your sex life while atheists are enlightened believers in science and Muslims practice the “Religion of Peace™” while living in fear of religious oppression.

Then these racist, bigoted, homophobic, sexist, drug addled, white, male, Bible thumping, deplorable idiots stole the Presidency from Hillary! and elected Donald Trump who will destroy the world.

And that will be the end of history.

SUDDEN EVERYONE DEATH SYNDROME

PEOPLE keep dying in violent and terrible ways, and nobody seems to know why. Following the recent slaughter of 44 people at Istanbul’s Ataturk Airport, US secretary of state John Kerry told a press conference: “We’re still trying to ascertain what happened and who did it.”

One day, many years from now, with the assistance of global police networks, we might have an answer. At US news outlet MSNBC, this post-Istanbul question was asked: “Is there a pattern to recent terror attacks?”

Again, nobody has a clue. It’s a complete mystery. What on earth might be the common factor linking mass killings in Paris, Brussels, Orlando, London, Madrid, Bali, Israel, Libya Somalia, Cameroon, Egypt, India, Bangladesh, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, the Philippines, Russia, Burkina Faso, Kenya and now Istanbul? What pattern might there be?

Over in Germany, which coincidentally has lately taken in some million or so claimed refugees, one police spokesman suggested overcrowding may be the big issue.

Announcing that Munich would spend nearly $4.5 million more on security during this year’s Oktoberfest, spokesman Marcus da Gloria Martins said that the huge cost increase was to do with something other than terrorism and its completely unknown cause.

“For me the general problem of crowding at Oktoberfest is more worrisome that a terrorist attack,” he said, which is presumably why it makes sense to hire an additional 100 security personnel, install an emergency multi-language loudspeaker system and conduct bag checks at every single entrance.

All of these measures are obviously about overcrowding and not any other thing that might happen at random, somehow causing people to spontaneously die. Obviously.

Perhaps the real problem is Swedish rapists. Following an increase in sexual assaults, Sweden’s police have now launched a brilliant counter-tactic: wristbands reading “Don’t touch me”.

The idea is that women will wear these wristbands and thereby deter any would-be attackers. Because there is no suggestion — no suggestion at all — that potential attackers may be from Africa or the Middle East, the warnings are written only in Swedish.

“By wearing these wristbands, young women will be able to make a stand,” declared Sweden’s police chief Dan Eliasson, who is touchingly convinced that rapists are both decent and literate. And also raised in Sweden rather than certain other parts of the world where lots of rapes and explosions and murders occur.

Meanwhile, nobody mention a certain faith beginning with “I”. To speak of it may summon it. Shhh.

SPRINGTIME FOR PUNDITS (ANN COULTER)

If you're into self-dramatization, Donald Trump’s candidacy is perfect for you.

Half of the Washington political class is vowing to vote for Hillary -- even Stalin! -- over Trump; psychologists (and massage therapists) report they are treating patients for "Trump anxiety"; lengthy thought-pieces on Trump have no room to mention his signature issue, immigration, but get prolix on George Wallace, Mussolini and Hitler. (Never Mao, Stalin or Lenin, curiously.)

You're going to have to act quickly if you hope to be among the first 200 princesses to feel the pea under 15 layers of mattresses.

To save you time, I will provide the prototype. Do not be surprised if the following turns up, word for word, under the byline of David Brooks, Stephen Hayes, Cokie Roberts, every single writer for Salon, Gawker, National Review, Commentary and The Huffington Post. And then, of course, Fareed Zakaria will steal it.

** ** **

"J'accuse Donald Trump”

Watching the candidacy of Donald Trump, I am continually struck by his resemblance to a man who came to power in a far-off land nearly 85 years ago, a historical epic that I had naively hoped was well buried in the past.

Consider the following:

-- Adolf Hitler held gigantic rallies, where he inspired millions with rousing speeches. Donald Trump holds gigantic rallies, where he inspires millions with rousing speeches.

-- Adolf Hitler talked about making his country great again. Donald Trump talks about making his country great again.

Brave Man Chooses To Self-Identify As Man

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Declaring that he “has to be true to himself,” local man Steve Bakowski announced Friday that he is bravely stepping out and choosing to openly self-identify as a man.

“I don’t care what people say. I don’t care what people call me,” an audacious Bakowski told reporters. “I know in my heart that I’m a man. I’ve always known it, ever since I was a kid. I’ve never even second-guessed it. So I’m going to tell it like it is. I’m a man, and I’m not ashamed to say it.”

When asked about the possibility of facing backlash for his courageous stance, Bakowski was undeterred.

“I know our culture can be hostile to people like me,” he stated. “But I’m prepared to face the consequences. I know there are others out there who feel exactly like I do. They need to know they’re not strange, they’re not some weird freaks.”

“They need to know they’re not alone,” he added.

Honest Political Ads - Gil Fulbright for Senate 2014

New Years Resolutions for Liberals

Christmas in History: First Media Reports of Nativity Story

Samara Post Intelligencer

Suspected Religious Cultists Exposed in Bethlehem

A homeless couple claiming that an "angel" had declared their infant child "the son of God," was caught red-handed while apparently trying to engage in some ritual involving animals behind a local inn. Despite his young age, the unplanned and undocumented child whom they referred to as "Jesus" had already acquired notoriety in the religious underworld, operating under several aliases including Immanuel, Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, and The Prince of Peace. Authorities are investigating a possible link to the highly profitable smuggling of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

The police arrived at the scene after a call made by a local PETA activist who complained that the couple and the mob that followed them had inconvenienced the resident animals and "displaced handfuls of hay" in order to make a bed for the infant. "What sort of people are these that would invade a peaceful manger, disturb the animals in their home, deprive them of sleep of nourishment, and do YHWH knows what else with them?"

Prosecutors are considering charging the couple as accessories to an unauthorized light show that terrorized area shepherds who happened to be tending their flocks at night. No charges are currently being considered against the infant, though authorities have made clear that he will require careful observation and possibly therapy as he grows up.

Clueless, and not just in Seattle

From Small Dead Animals

The Self-Imposed Ignorance of the Mainstream Media

By Robert on July 18, 2015 7:00 AM | 67 Comments

Now Is The Time At SDA When We Juxtapose:

June 18th, 2015 to Present : In the aftermath of the murders in Charleston, South Carolina, the mainstream media was nothing short of obsessed with finding an explanation and placing blame in very specific directions.

July 17th, 2015 : In the aftermath of the murders in Chattanooga, Tennessee, the mainstream media appears absolutely clueless as to why the murderer did what he did:

• No motive known for gunman opening fire on marines


• 4 Marines killed, a dead suspect and questions of motive


• Chattanooga Terror Investigation Focuses on Suspect's Motive


• FBI Has "No Motive" For Hixson Man Who Carried Out Rampage Against Military Targets


• Chattanooga shootings: FBI sees no terrorism link

And for the cherry on top of this foul tasting sundae, here's a BBC News podcast.

If you have a theory as to why these shootings occurred, you may want to let your local news media know so they can pass on the information to the authorities. They're clearly clueless and dumbfounded at this time