Ready to throw in with the Democrats; just one final question...

From Michael Graham at the Boston Herald:

You can turn off CNN, stop e-mailing me The New York Times editorials and stuff a sock in Keith Olbermann’s piehole. You’ve done it. You’ve closed the deal.

I’m ready to vote Democrat.

Yes, the man who proudly ran Pat Buchanan’s campaign in South Carolina in 1992 is ready to vote Democrat early and, in keeping with tradition, often.

Speaker Pelosi? No problem. Majority Leader Reid? Absolutely. I don’t care how much cash he rakes in off unreported Las Vegas land deals. I say, “Let it ride!”

I can count on one hand the Democrats who’ve gotten my vote - mostly candidates for jobs involving the pursuit and restraint of unleashed pets.

But George W. Bush has screwed up nearly everything he’s touched, and congressional Republicans are spending more time with their hands on backsides than Mark Foley at a high school Twister tournament. Throw the bums out!

I’m not alone. Some politically savvy conservatives argue it’s time to let the Kool-Aid spill where it may and send the GOP leadership into the political wilderness for a couple of years. This makes sense in a twisted, masochistic “I read Machiavelli when I was a freshman but didn’t quite grasp the concept” sort of way.

Regardless, I’m a shameless bandwagon jumper and I’m ready to cast my lot with the party of Roosevelt, Truman and McCain (mostly).

I only have one, small question first. Should be easy.

What are you (sorry, make that “we”) Democrats going to do about Iraq and the Islamists?

See, I’m a one-issue voter, and my one issue is defeating the Islamist threat facing Western civilization. Given that it involves the survival of our culture and the principles of our Constitution, I think it’s kind of a big deal.

And the Democrats’ non-stop bashing of Bush foreign policy shows they’re with me. This is priority number one and Bush just isn’t getting the job done.

Mission accomplished? Please. We’d settle for “Mission Not Royally Screwed Up.”

But I think I must have missed a meeting or accidentally deleted an e-mail from Moveon.org, because I still haven’t seen the Democratic plan to fix Iraq and kick terrorist butt. Could someone please point me to the page of Time magazine’s recent “Barack For President” issue with the Democrats’ “How we defeat the woman-beating, homosexual-executing, book-burning, anti-Semitic, knuckle-dragging Islamists who want to kill us” bullet points? Thanks.

Wazzat? You can’t? Comrade, what do you mean there isn’t a Democratic strategy for terrorism? There’s gotta be. I mean - seriously - what kind of political party has no war plan at a time when we’re actively at war? When 135,000 troops are in the field, and where six weeks ago we foiled a plot to blow 10 American aircraft out of the sky?

Hello?

Hey, I’m ready to go here - Hillary, Kennedy, hell, I’ll vote Ned Lamont if I have to. I just need to see the Democrats’ plan for victory first.

After all, the Democrats’ position on stopping terror can’t be to abandon democracy in Iraq, stop wiretapping, end coercive interrogation and reveal our secret tracking of terror money abroad in The New York Times. That’s crazy.

No, there’s got to be a serious Democrat war plan, and I want in on it. When and how to use force, how giving Iraq to the Islamists today will help defeat them tomorrow - you know - the plan?

I’m just waiting on you, Democrats, and then I’m off to stuff the nearest ballot box.

Some say I’m going to have a long wait. But being a Democrat means to keep hope alive.