Why Ted K loves Globe, hates us

By Howie Carr:

When somebody from the Herald used to get a job at the Globe, we’d always say he was going to the velvet coffin.

Now, I guess it would be more accurate to just describe the money-losing rag as the coffin.

The New York Times bought the bible of political correctness 15 years ago for $1.1 billion. And now, according to The Wall Street Journal, the Globe has fallen into the red and it can’t get up. And the pompous, pampered poodles in the newsroom can’t blame their financial meltdown solely on Craigslist, Google, or even George W. Bush.

It’s finally caught up with them, all those years of fake stories, penned by gullible limousine liberals who go weak in the knees just thinking about their daily paeans to illegal aliens, drive-by shooters and plucky NAMBLA types who are trying to rebound from a rest-stop collar.

In the pages of the Globe, everyone must be coddled, except of course Roman Catholic heterosexuals without trust funds who were born and raised here, most of whom are assumed to be guilty of some sort of heinous hate crime (unless they’ve endorsed Deval Patrick).

Fortunately for the Globe’s bow-tied bumkissers, they do have one ace in the hole. All those dodgy liberal pols they’re in the tank for (“Sen. Kennedy Turning Life Around”) have come to the defense of the common nightwalkers of Morrissey Boulevard.

In a lachrymose missive to New York Times publisher Pinch Sulzberger, more than 20 local hacks, led by the aforementioned hero of Chappaquiddick, described the ongoing collapse of the Globe as a terrible shame.

Ted Kennedy, a spoiled rich kid, writes the spoiled rich kid who owns the Globe, begging him not to fire any more of the spoiled rich kids who write the fake-news stories for the Globe’s dwindling readership of spoiled rich-kid moonbats.

Apparently, Sen. Kennedy considers some newspapers more worthy of salvation than others. Remember what he tried to do to this tabloid and the New York Post back in 1987, just because a certain scribe was describing him as Fat Boy.

Teddy had one of his crapulous Senate pals sneak a late-night rider into a Senate budget bill to force Rupert Murdoch - whom Ted kept calling Rudolph Murdoch - to sell both papers if he wanted to retain his more-profitable TV stations in Boston and New York.

With his bill of attainder, Teddy was willing to put maybe 1,500 people - mostly blue-collar, almost all union - out of work just to choke off different voices. So much for celebrating diversity.

But now Ted and his gaggle of PC sycophants harrumph that it is their duty to help preserve quality journalism in Boston.

What Teddy really wants to preserve is a sheet that does his bidding, and always has, going back to 1962. That was the year one of the Globe’s Irish tokens was sent to the White House to negotiate with President Kennedy over how the story of Teddy’s expulsion from Harvard for cheating would be played on the front page before his Senate campaign began. JFK held out for a two-column headline, below the fold. He got his way, and so has his brother, ever since.

The newspaper industry is on the ropes, and the Herald is certainly not immune to the financial carnage wrought by technology. But we’ve always known we had one foot on the banana peel, and have acted accordingly. The smug Ivy League legacies at the Globe never heeded the words of Jackson Browne: Nobody owes you nothing. And now on the Boulevard they take it hard.

There’s a German word that’s always posted on conservative Web sites whenever another corrupt liberal newspaper goes into its death throes. The word is schaudenfreude, which essentially means taking pleasure in the downfall of someone else, especially a bunch of sanctimonious carpetbaggers who’ve got it coming to them, big-time, in spades.

So the Globe is hemorrhaging money and a lot more Beautiful People are going to be laid off and Ted Kennedy’s heart is breaking.

Let me be the first to say it: I’m feeling schaudenfreude.