Jokes my brother sent me

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
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Why do you have to "put your two cents in". but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?
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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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What disease did cured ham actually have?
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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?
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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.
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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp,
which no decent human being would eat?
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?
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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't
he just buy dinner?
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?