Some planks in his platform:
I will make securing the border my top priority. Unfortunately, the Congress has been slow to approve funding for fences and other barriers to illegal immigration. That's why I have proposed wacky Roadrunner-style misdirection signs along the border that read "ESTADOS UNIDOS -- THIS WAY."
[...]
To further help reduce the nation's carbon footprint, I will order the Environmental Protection Agency to bulldoze the mansions of Al Gore, John Edwards, John Kerry, and Laurie David, and convert them to more eco-friendly use as free public drag strips. And for all serious environmentalists willing to make the ultimate Green sacrifice, I will offer discounted funerals with hybrid hearses, and framed federal carbon credits for their surviving families and animal companions.
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