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Thursday, June 03, 2021

10 Books Every Woke Parent Should Read To Their Kids At Bedtime

 

1. Communist Manifesto (Illustrated Kids Edition): This beloved classic by Karl Marx has been rewritten for young audiences! Follow your friend Karl as he teaches your child everything from seizing the means of production to throwing your enemies in the gulag!  

2. The Very Gay Caterpillar: Follow the beloved central character as he goes through 7 same-sex partners in 7 days! This is normal and should be celebrated. 

3. Are You My Birthing Person?: The classic-yet-problematic Are You My Mother? has been updated with more inclusive language. About time! 

4. All 371 of Barack Obama's memoirs: Open one of Obama's many memoirs and let your child bask in the warm glow of the light-bringer himself. Read it, and hide his words in your heart. 

5. A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift-- but unironically: This is a great way to teach your kid the dangers of overpopulation in urban communities and the virtue of abortion. 

6. The brilliant peer-reviewed paper “The Psychology of BDSM Fat Studies In a Trans-Intersectional Context: a Survey Study into the Relationships of Trauma and Attachment Style”: riveting and essential reading for children of all ages. 

7. Harry Potter but just say "Trump" instead of Voldemort: To drive the point home, make sure and scream at the sky every time you say his name. 

8. The Little Engine That Was Held Back By Systemic Oppression So She Shouldn't Even Try: An essential life lesson for every woke child. 

9. 'Men Can Have Periods' pop-up book: If your child throws up while you read it to them, remind them that they are a bigot. 

10. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad USA: Another children's classic rewritten for modern audiences. It teaches one of life's most important lessons: America is bad.