Friday, April 03, 2015
The Historic, Greatest of All Time Iranian Nuke Deal
The Obama administration, practitioners of SMART DIPLOMACY™ see a possible deal in the making. In return for Iran’s agreement not to invade the US for the next 10 years with nothing larger than platoon-sized Jihadi fighters dressed as women, the US agreed to give up its nuclear weapons, accede to the Iranian demand that “the destruction of Israel is non-negotiatiable,” and the Kardashian sister of their choice, perhaps all three, Allah willing.
Taking a victory lap in the Rose Garden, President Obama proclaiming it the biggest foreign policy victory of all time stated that "Today, the United States, together with our allies and partners, has reached an historic understanding with Iran.” Few noticed the figure next to him, Uncle Sam, dressed in a tasteful barrel replacing the suit that had been lost during the negotiations.
News agency Reuters noted that “Many details still need to be worked out and diplomats close to the negotiations said the deal was fragile.” While the Washington Free Beacon said that “Iran Accuses U.S. of Lying About New Nuke Agreement, Says White House misleading Congress, American people with fact sheet.”
Speaking on background, a horse-faced “senior State Department spokesman” who looked remarkably like John Kerry (who served in Viet Nam) admitted that there were some details that needed to be worked out depending on which of the Kardashian sisters was married at the moment, but that need not impede progress since Islam allows both polygamy and polyandry.
Despite the historic nature of this breakthrough for peace in our time, Saudi Arabia was busy buying up Russia’s second-hand nukes and ordering brand new, gold plated ones from Pakistan. Israel was looking up the precise location of Armageddon on old maps, while Christians in America were shutting down pizza shops after being threatened with death for refusing to hypothetically cater gay weddings, even though gays would rather be celibate than eat pizza at their weddings.
Right Wing Rags like the Washington Post complained that “Obama’s Iran deal falls far short of his own goals” and that:
“The proposed accord will provide Iran a huge economic boost that will allow it to wage more aggressively the wars it is already fighting or sponsoring across the region.”
But such sniping from the fever swamps of the paranoid Bible thumping, gay hating Right was to be expected and was quickly dismissed with a sniff by the NY Times Editorial Board who labelled the deal “Promising.”
Well, that settles it; I hope Kim gets a good looking prince.